when i was younger i thought “peanut butter and jelly” meant like peanut butter and this
and i was so distraught because i was like why the fuck would anyone eat peanut butter with that and on bread none the less what is wrong with people and why is this such a popular meal then i learnt that jelly in america actually means jam
wHEN PEOPLE ASK YOU WHAT YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION IS AND THEN JUDGE ME WHEN I SAY IT’S MY MACBOOK WOW SORRY DID YOU WANT ME TO SAY A LOCKET MY GREAT AUNT ALICE’S GRANDFATHER’S SON HANDCRAFTED FROM KING ARTHUR’S SWORD WELDED WITH PHOENIX TEARS AND THE BLOOD OF A WOOD NYMPH NO OKAY I FUCKING LOVE MY MACBOOK NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH HOW I CAN SCROLL WITH TWO FUCKING FINGERS OKAY THAT”S BETTER THAN ANY LOCKET
Socialism:You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism:You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation:You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation:You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation:You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation:You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation:You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation:You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation:Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture:'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism:You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Fatalist:You have 2 doomed cows...
A West-Country Corporation:You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation:You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
Moffat:You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
An Irish Corporation:You have a million cows because they're everywhere
Tumblr:You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
Person:Why is Harry Potter such an important guy in the first place?
Me:Long story short, this guy, Voldemort, was super cruel. He tried to kill him and his parents and this is where it gets intensely cool. Even though he was a tiny little boy, he should've died but he survived and then destroyed this evil guy and it's a story we enjoy to tell.